Thoughts on Laziness

Lazy = me.

I have been the epitome of laziness this winter vacation. I wake up at a reasonable hour usually, but proceed to sit on my ass for hours and hours at a time in front of the computer. Sure, I take breaks to poop and drink coffee, but I can social network all day long. I love MySpace and Facebook, even though I credit those services with the downfall of my own forum, NHS Planet X.

I am also WAY too much into this business venture. If one could make a million sitting on their rears all day, I'd be first in line. Seriously. I have visions of retirement dancing in my head...

Because we ended the semester before break this year, I have nothing to do related to school. Well, I could be working on the yearbook, but Rachel went skiing so I have an excuse to not go in. I did actually go into school one day with my boys, but it was only to load up some songs on my iPod and to grab a couple different laptops for home entertainment purposes. So that's good. Aside from the dreams, I've successfully avoided work this vacation.

But one dilemma remains: Why am I having these recurring nightmares where I'm packing up and moving, and getting lost in these big hotel/cruise ship/dorm type buildings. And Phil is never there. I hope this isn't me being clairvoyant and instead is just a symbol of my utter and complete laziness.

Two more days, counting today, before I head back into work mode. You know, I think I like my job. I'm not dreading going back. I can be lazy there too! Except for the part where I fucking work like a madwoman -- which is usually all the time.

Maybe the couch will see me more this year. Now THAT's a good new year's resolution...

Oops. I've stretched my 1st Amendment rights further.

Damn. My rated PG-13 merchandise just wasn't selling. I've had 160 some hits on google ads, and still no buys, so I switched it up.

I put the rated R version up.

Check it out at:

www.cafepress.com/MsCalvin

Roots

I hate the roots of my hair. I have a reverse-blond problem...my roots are turning light. They are either gray or a shade lighter than the rest of my hair.

I decided to go with a violet shade for the holidays, but now my roots are reddish while the rest of my head is blackish/brownish. My hairdresser, who happens to be my cool Auntie Kendra, gave me some black conditioner to use, but it has an unpleasant side effect -- it dyes your hands and anything else it comes in contact with. Powerful shit. I'm afraid to use it, frankly.

Roots also reminds me of high school. I had a nickname because my maiden name was Kunze (koonzie) when the series "Roots" by Alex Haley was popular on TV. It was 'Kinta Kunze'. FLASHBACK.

Sorry for the tangent. I'll deal with my roots somehow. At least I'm not in Iraq.

Political Ruminations

Being from Iowa, and it being December 26th, means that political candidate warfare is in full strength on this eve of the election year 2008.

I've been loosely following the democratic candidates, and I think I've finally landed on a candidate. Mr. John Edwards is my man, mainly because I'm sick of the Hillary/Barack jabs and mud slinging. The only real reason I'd want the mainly conservative Clinton is to piss off the religious righters who hate her with such passion, and that's not a good enough reason to support her. I love Barack Obama (even though I burp his first name all the time) because of his charisma and speaking ability (which I've been missing for 8 damn years now with Mr. Bush, the illiterate), but I think he lacks significant experience. I'd vote for him in 4 to 8 years, though.

So, that leaves me with Edwards. I love his "two Americas" spiel, and I think he truly is a rich man who cares about me, a member of the shrinking middle class. His $400 haircut doesn't bother me much, and that's about the worst thing the media has dug up on him. I wouldn't mind listening to him speak for four years, and that's a major consideration in my book.

Actually, when I do surveys, Dennis Kucinich shows up as my candidate, which means I'm left of the dial quite a bit. I want the troops home from Iraq NOW. But he doesn't have an active campaign in Iowa, so therefore isn't really a viable candidate here. HMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmm. Politics is so interesting, and so boring, all at the same time.

Oh well, as long as Bush FINALLY leaves office, I'll be a happy girl. He is officially the worst President I've ever seen or heard of.

Enough politics. But the good news is I'm barely thinking about school, except for the teaching dream I had all night last night...

Oh well, my subconscious has to work this shit out somehow, I guess.

Foul #1

I just messaged Rachel on Facebook about my first thoughts this morning: yearbook. Yuck.

We gotta submit some damn pages before the new year, but we are waiting on a couple. I think I want to get Jared (my security blanket) and Rachel together after Christmas and actually submit the ones we have done. ARGhhhhhhhh. Why do I obsess about this shit?

In other news, I have over 88 clicks to my www.cafepress.com/MsCalvin website from google ads, and 66 of those are from people googling the word "sex". Isn't that a gas?

Have I mentioned before how well coffee, the Internet, the Sunday paper and Elvis gospel go together? Got nothing to do today except get Walker around 6 ish. That's a good day.

Mkay. Time to learn how to refuckinglax, I guess.

Manic

Every 6 months, I get manic. I appear to be in a phase now, where I could be online all day long, switching between myspace, facebook, gmail, blog, forum, other forum, chat room, liberal radio, cafepress.com, phoons.com, and shopping online.

I noticed the 6-month pattern whilst browsing my blog entries. I've done 17 now in December, with an average of 6 per month other months, except June, which had 14. That was EXACTLY 6 months ago.

Note to shrink.

Note to regular blog readers: google will start placing relevant ads on this site, which will be a gas to read I thought. Plus, if you click, I make a pittance.

Two Words: Christmas Vacation!

Eleven glorious days of gluttony, sex, and the Internet. Gotta love it.

Oh yeah, and family and friends. I'm planning on getting my closet under control upstairs, getting my husband to fucking relax, and hanging out with loved ones being totally, 100% lazy.

No work. No thinking about work.

We'll see.

Connor

Connor has balls. Literally and figuratively.

He is obsessed with sex, like 90% of the young men and women I have the pleasure of teaching daily. You gotta love teenage hormones. I think it's the reason I love teaching high school so much. It's the sex educator in me...I love to say things like penis and vagina and anal intercourse.

Anyway, back to Connor. He brings in a sex dujour topic daily during my planning time. It is fun. I'll spare you, the anonymous reader, the details, but know that the conversations are spirited, raunchy, but professional and respectful all at the same time.

I like that kid. Plus, he whined that I hadn't blogged about him.

Depression/Holiday Check

Just thought I'd do a public service in this private blog. Well, maybe it's a public blog.

Anyhoo, it's that time of the year folks, that time of the year when I can't seem to get in to see my shrink because he's so fucking busy with all the crazies going loony over the holidays...

...so hang in there. If you got da blues, particularly the winter blues...just hang on by your toenails, get some good old-fashioned nurturing and if needed, professional help, to help you make it through the season.

That's what I'm doing... breathing, reminding myself to live moment by moment, or second by second if needed. The shopping will get done, the house will be clean, and everyone will be happy.

Or not. Oh well, give it up, what you can't control, that is. That's what the pros say.

Google me!

Tee Hee. I'm a certifiable loon. I signed up for Google Ads. So now, search for certain keywords and My ad shows up:

Funny "Sexless" Products
Very funny artwork adorns novelty
items. Politically Incorrect.
cafepress.com/mscalvin

Sweetness!

4:00 a.m.: Yearbook Time

Well, I don't know why, but my brain raced me awake with visions of yearbook this morning at 3:00. Well, Elvis the cat first woke me up by kissing me passionately first, but the yearbook thoughts followed closely thereafter.

I need help. I already receive mental help. I have previously declared on these blog pages that I need a paraprofessional in my classroom to help. I think I'm going to ask for one. Will somebody make me do that?

Got to back up the templates and the pages and the photos and the graphics. Crap. Got to get a damn life. Seriously.

Fuck the Sexless

Feed the Hungry, House the Homeless, and F&%! the Sexless. Yes, order stickers, t-shirts, etc. with this catchy phrase at www.cafepress.com/MsCalvin

Testing, 1, 2, google 3. This blog's titles show up on google searches, so I thought I'd load it up. See, I've become a Republican Capitalist suddenly..well, capitalist, at least...

Well, I guess you can't copyright a phrase, just a work of art. So I will copyright my words over my picture, and call it good. I think I wasted $59 on the online version, but I think I can recoup that with sticker sales.

I'm home sick, dreaming of hitting it big so I can retire. Perhaps this is the most telling blog entry of all...

Fuck the Sexless

Well, I guess you can't copyright a phrase, just a work of art. So I will copyright my words over my picture, and call it good. I think I wasted $59 on the online version, but I think I can recoup that with sticker sales.

Rebel

I"m a rebel. I'm predicting that I'm going to get in some sort of trouble over my business venture. I better look up how easy it is to get the ACLU behind you in first amendment cases....

Also, Rebels are the Canon cameras that we use to capture all events of the year. They are digital and they rock and roll. I don't even know how to fully use them, but am learning so slowly. Rachel gave me a DVD two years ago that I think I'll watch some day.

I got a kitty fetish now: go to icanhascheezburger.com and laugh at the cute animal captions! It's journalism, loosely based. I admit it, I'm into fluff, like phooning and lolcats...

Oh well, I'm a rebel with a cause, and a rebel without a cause.

2 Magic Words: NO SCHOOL!

Thank God for global warming and freezing ice! Got the call at 5 am that school was canceled, and I'm so excited to have a bonus day to do nothing but sit on my ass if I want.

I do have a pack of papers at home to check, but I doubt if those get done. I also COULD curriculum map, but since that's the devil in disguise, I doubt that that gets done either. I also have a pile of clothes to put away, which would make my hubby happy, so we'll have to see what mood I'm in later.

Well, this is one of the few perks of being a school teacher. Snow days!

Go Mother Nature, go.

www.cafepress.com/MsCalvin

My new business page. I get a cut, truly! Order for all your christmas friends...start a national fad right here in the midwest!

Go there now:

www.cafepress.com/MsCalvin

Positive Things

Sometimes I think the world is only bad news, including stuff I write about in my own blog. So this post is dedicated to those positive things in life.

1. Freedom of Speech...cuz I have a feeling I'm going to get in trouble over my bumper sticker adventure. But I found a website where I think I can market it. They published this one: Will Somebody PLEASE give Bush a blow job quick, so we can impeach him? So, I think they will publish mine.
2. Students who survive high school and college...in spite of themselves and peers and pressures.
3. Health and Family...and a healthy family.
4. Sleeping through the night without waking up from stress or kitties or kids...or without being heavily medicated.
5. Mind-altering pursuits...like reading and caffeine.

Th-th-that's all folks. Yes, I realize that half of these are really negatives in disguise. Life is complex like that. For example, this morning I was faced with this dilemma: Is Elvis's "Bridge Over Troubled Water" a gospel song?

Cell Phones and Laptops

DAMN I'm pissed off. Social networking and teenagers is overstimulating the HELL out of me. Why am I capitalizing all swear words?

Anyhoo, the damn kids are addicted like crack to their cells and their myspace/facebook/msn messneger...and they are starting to whip out their phones like they know I won't do anything, which I haven't yet, and/or they are on the above-mentioned sites because the district's blocking software got knocked out when the server went down inexplicably last month.

Whew, that was one honking long sentence.

Now, I signed up for myspace and facebook and I do gmail a lot too, so I know the attraction, but I also know when to get out and live life too, I think. I did it initially to be protective of them online, you know, to make sure they weren't making it easy for pedophiles to prey on them, but soon it turned into a legitimate hobby.

But not in class. Not when we have so much fucking work to do. Please.

Follow-ups...

I'm sure that my newspaper and yearbook kids will soon get off their asses and call business to follow up on ad sales. Yeah, right.

I've got to put some people in charge...and have the people who are sitting around make the calls. Plus, January is a dead time in yearbook, so we could always focus on it then.

I need to follow up on a few other things too: ordering reporter pads and AP Stylebooks; getting the freshman nicknames down; sending in $50 more and changing what I tried to buy from ASNE; cleaning up piles, including piles that got damaged in a recent classroom flood; figuring out where $7,000 went in my yearbook budget, and finally, making labels and numbering all cameras.

SHIT. I'm working even when I'm playing. But I am sitting on MY ass whilst I typeth.

I have one thing to say: I'm an ass cheese.

PG-13 Version

Here is the final, PG-13 version. For $2, the 3" by 5" version can be yours. Contact me at mscalvin@gmail.com to order.

OMG

I actually ordered 50 bumper stickers online, to be delivered in 10 days via the US Postal Service for free.

Let me know if you want one!

I'm going to send some to Sandy in Seattle for sure, my partner in crime. We thought of this one drunken night in college, to be honest!

Yet another dream fulfilled...all due to modern technology.

New Bumper Sticker

I have applied my Photoshop skills in yet another way:

Christmas. There, I said it.

What a freaky time of year this is. It's the first of December, and now we can officially listen to Christmas music. I prefer to say "Christmas" over "the holidays," but not because I'm particularly politically correct. I guess I'm a Christian (that's another blog), so I've grown up with the holiday. But I hate it when conservatives whine about taking back Christmas, give me a fucking break.

Itchy is asleep on my lap right now. Or maybe it's Scratchy. I can't tell them apart when they aren't together. Kind of like the White or Gooding twins at school.

Speaking of school, all is not well in the NHS publictions dept. Romance may be brewing, which could be good until it goes bad. Computers are slow and poopy, so we are creating awards to hang on them. Tech problems plagued us from before Christmas break, so our paper was sloppy. We still haven't submitted any pages in yearbook. Kids aren't folowing up on advertising. We are $7,000 in debt for the yearbook. I suck.

Well, as Bing says, Melekalekamaka!