Narcolepsy and the Wii

Had a narcoleptic moment on Monday, the first day back from break...it's taken me a week to get over it, so I think I can blog about it now:

I fell asleep, sound asleep, in yearbook class.

(Pause to let that sink in...)

The certified teacher in the room was snoozing on the couch while the mice played. In between narcoleptic moments, I noticed that the noise level in the room was decent; albeit not focused at all on yearbook. Those kids know each other and have fun in their little groups: they would be happy to blow off the rest of the work until the few who show up in the summer do it.

ACK.

On a lighter note, I had insomnia Friday night/Saturday morning, and had speaks with Andrew D. on gmail...we decided to go on a diet together. A slow diet. So, simultaneously, we had ordered a Wii as a family thing. So, I decided to order a Dance Dance Revolution as my exercise plan. I'm such a geek, hip thing.

Fucking A.

So, eratic weather patterns, eratic sleep patterns, and a Wii are the themes I contemplate today. Tomorrow we come out with our "green" issue, and I'm pretty sure kids will complain it's boring...

And sorry this took me so long today, Rachel baby.

Narcolepsy

Had a narcoleptic moment on Monday, the first day back from break...it's taken me a week to get over it, so I think I can blog about it now:

I fell asleep, sound asleep, in yearbook class.

(Pause to let that sink in...)

Last Day of Spring Break

Waa waa waa. It's almost over. In 24 hours, I'll be back in school. There is NOTHING worse than the last day of Spring Break.

Poor me, the lowly teacher complaining about having a week off, paid.

Ok. I'll suck it up: but I woke up this morning dreaming about the damn yearbook, again. I was filing stuff in my dream that was actually a good idea; I was telling kids what to do and it was stuff that needs to be done; and I was getting the son-of-a-bitch done.

[Aside: I was just looking at the want ads. I always do this on Sunday mornings. I found a great job in Pella, but it pays twelve thousand less than I make now. Sigh.]

Anyway, I woke up and realized the state we're in. We have proofs that aren't done and returned in a timely fashion; we haven't submitted deadline 2 yet; we have missed every deadline night because of weather of my illnesses. In reality, we suck.

SHIT. Now what? Work, work, work till you die. My shrink says this job shouldn't be stressing me out so much. Fuck him.

Well, at least I have an entire week of laziness, gluttony, and creative escape under my belt. I spent the major portion of every day playing around with my computer, playing RPGs on Facebook, recording video messages for my peeps, and making commercials for personal lubricants...all from the comfort of my own office.

Oh well, guess Term 4 will be the great decider. I'm going to up the ante in yearbook and get off my ass some. We are going to work after school and deadline nights twice a month to deal with the crappy computers we have. Have I blogged about my technology woes yet? Waa waa waa.

My head is going 100 miles a minute right now: class sizes too big, budgets too small, newspaper is in crisis, i haven't put away any of my clothes all break, and it's Easter morning.

Mkay. This blog is usually therapeutic, but it seems to be stressing me out even more, so i shall end it now.

CELEBRATE!

This blog is one year and one day old today! It appears I missed the one-year anniversary yesterday.

So to make up for that, here is a vlog:

Exhausted Already

I am on spring break and I have been the epitome of laziness. But I keep thinking about next week and the next few months and I get exhausted.

Just got done talking to Rachel, and that always makes me think yearbook. I think I overstimulated her by asking her to mentor a student for next year...she just got back from photographing a band trip and here I ask her to do more.

Also have been dreaming about yearbook...it haunts me truly. I am going to direct traffic and make kids work and damn anyone who gets in my way. That's how I feel because I so desperately want to get done with this book by July 4th. Independence day. What a nice goal. We are going to have after school meetings and deadline nights two times a month in order to get this sucker done.

We have newspaper deadline night on Tuesday too, so that's in the back of my mind. We have survived so many obstacles, like poor attendance, this year that I am confident we can crank out this "green" issue. I've got to contact the publisher though and reduce the number of copies we get and see if we can get a bargain on some recycled paper.

Plus, my husband is talking about McCain bringing on the end of the world this morning, so there is this ominous tone to the day already.

Uff duh, as my dear departed Grandmother Kunze used to say. Ten a.m. and I'm pooped.

Maybe I need to get outside and get some exercise? Or get off my butt at the very least. OK. At least my butt isn't growing around the toilet seat like that crazy story that broke this week about the woman who camped out on her boyfriend's toilet for 2 years. Ahhh, but I digress.

Moonlighting, again.

I have a confession to make: I am moonlighting at another blog. I started it on St. Patty's day in a fit of inspiration. Follow me on this:

I have a new webcam + I used to be a sexuality educator = http://sex101blog.blogspot.com

So, check it out. We have already posted our first vlog response to the first question.

And if you know a condom or lube sponsor, contact me at mscalvin@gmail.com soon...this is, after all, another get-rich-quick scheme in order to allow me to retire early from that pesky day job.

Just kidding, I love my day job. It's the work that sucks.

Not Working

I am not working. I am playing. I have been playing since Friday night, and it is now Sunday morning. Even though some of my playing involves students, that does not mean it is work. There, I said it. I enjoy playing with my students in my free time. What does that make me? Perverted? Stupid? Too Involved?

For example, last night: Saturday night, the first weekend of Spring Break and what do I find myself doing? A run down:

* Talking on gmail to Greg and Cameron, both editors in chief of the newspaper. Greg was producing a girls' basketball game on the Drake radio station, and Cameron was pining for a girl.

* Making little videos for all my favorite friends on facebook...yes, I said it...I have favorites. They are the kids who do all the work, happily, and who make the yearbook and newspaper a success. They know who they are.

* Having a live Skype video chat with Chas, former yearbook graphics editor and top geek. He had just gotten a camera and was having his virginal chat...it's fun, but WAY different than chatting with people on the phone or on a chat program. They can SEE you. You can't roll your eyes or pick your nose...and there are these poignant pauses...that seem like they last forever in a live video chat.

* Taking care of my husband who was having his third migraine headache in two days...he's in major pain but I am helpless to help him. He just has to ride them out, and he actually went to bed at 4 p.m., which he NEVER does.

* Texting Walker, who was at a show choir contest in Sioux City. Remind me to tell you some stories about Sioux City.

* Overseeing Quincy and Kaleb, his bestest buddy, who was spending the second night here. They need occasional food and attention, but for the most part they play nicely together.

* Making videos on my Cyberlink Youcam, with special effects and posting them on myspace and this here blog.

But I am not working.

Silly Hat and Scarf Day

Mom from hell...

Testing 1..2..3..




Vlog #1: Hope this works, because I've been having many technical difficulties. It's hard to be on the cutting edge...but in the meantime of waiting for this video to upload, I have been making video comments on all my friends' Facebook accounts. In my favorite, which is on Walker's account, I belch "Barack" really well, and predict that he will, therefore, be our next President.

I'm sure there will be more vlogs over break, for I have only just begun.

Spring Break Vlog #1

Testing, one....two.....

Video Conferencing

I'm online right now with school.

Here's a picture to prove it. I am officially insane. I have a sick day off, and what do I do? Get on Skype with my webcam...and help kids at school. They have a perfectly good sub (today -- yesterday's was another story) who is getting paid to be there.

Oh well, I can't puke and poop comfortably at school, so it's a good thing I stayed home. I am going to hang out with yearbook class in a minute here, because I love Rachel and Connor, who is no longer inept, by the way. Then, I plan to take a nap to get rid of this headache, then I will check the most ginormous pile of papers that ever existed. Oh yeah, I got a plan.

But first, I got this web cam I gotta play with...and I have officially declared myself a geek now. This is icing on the cake. I've known for awhile now that hanging out with all these techno-heads at school would rub off, but this is truly amazing. How am I gonna put this in my book? Nope, vlogs don't translate well to print.

Where is Princess Leia and her hologram technology when you need it?

Elvis

I'm home sick. My cat, Elvis, gives me a lovin' to make me feel better:

I


Vlog testing, 1...2...3.

Houston, do you read?

The Lost Hour

Daylight savings time sucks if you live in the Midwest. You lose an entire hour of your life, an hour that you can never get back; an hour you could have been creating something, making love or otherwise generally enjoying life. You wake up to it being dark and you being tired and generally cranky about it. It's not so bad in the Fall, when you gain an hour, but in the Spring it just blows.

I'm looking at life with my cup half empty, I realize, but sometimes you just gotta.

But my son cracks me up. I'm going to try something new in my blog: adding videos. If this works, I might occasionally post a vlog.




If you watch this, it's 49 seconds of your life you can never get back, as Cameron so eloquently stated...

Happy Sunday morning....

Oh, and I'm ready to kick ass in yearbook every day now...I'm gonna be a task master, and every damn person in that room better get busy every minute of every day. No more iPod and youtube festivals on my time. DAMMIT. I get mad when I think about it. Next year will be different. (That's what I say every year, for the record.)

And here's a picture of me and Quincy and Tyler that is pretty cool, too: doubles as evidence that the days have been too long and the sunlight has been too short and the snow has been too deep.

Maybe I didn't need that hour anyway. Daylight, here we come...

The Couch

Damn couch was involved in two incidences on Friday. The couch in my classroom, that is.

The first was a kind of catty remark a colleague made about my couch, in that in order to save money for technology, i might have to rearrange my room and get rid of the couch. The second was when I yelled at yearbook class for gathering around the couch instead of the computers.

I love my couch. I hate my couch.

Sometimes I take naps that totally regenerate me on my 14 hour days...I like turning off all the lights and turning on the timer for anywhere from 20 minutes to 45 minutes...and taking a little catnap. I can't get away with this very often, but when I can, it is glorious.

Sometimes I want to kill the kids for hanging out and avoiding work, when I know damn good and well that I am the one who will be there working in July and August, and their lazy asses will be long gone and hard to get a hold of.

Dang I hate that yearbook sometimes...it is stressful cuz all the winter sports are done now and the clubs people have their group photos, and are just now realizing they have no text or photos for their division page, and they have been sitting on their thumbs for two months.

Shit. I am screwed. Truly screwed. I need to lay down on a couch for awhile...

Spring Fever

Oh shit. I got it bad. It's one of the 10th worst winters on record, and it's been butt cold and snowy. This definitely plays on the mood and the mind...combined with our recent bout with the bugs, which is over I'm happy to report, it's been a miserable fucking winter.

But I'm hopeful...supposed to be in the 50's by next Wednesday, so if I hang on for a few more days of cold, I should make it to more spring like temps, leading me into Spring Break and 5 glorious days off.

In the meantime, my new computer is keeping me large company. Again, it's an HP Pavilion Entertainment PC laptop, and it rocks my world. Reasonably priced and loaded with fun stuff. For example, I made a video and posted it on youtube in like 7 clicks. No kidding. Here's the url: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FpJgNSo8tH8

I also am into RPG's, or role-playing games for those of you ungeeky types out there. I have precognition as an ability on "My Heroes Ability" on Facebook, so join me there and I can give you enlightement for only 25 EP's. I am MsCalvin in the group The Spirits, so join us in fighting evil.

Finally, I am serious about the spring fever. Look how geeky it's made me...social networking freak here. Well, contact me if you'd like to be in my leige in Knighthood, where Lady Lisa is currently building her castle and collecting vassals...

Oh Shit.

An Itchy Public Service Announcement

OK. I think I'm over the initial shock and can now blog about the latest thing our family has dealt with: Scabies. That's right, microscopic bugs that burrow under your skin, leaving itchy bumps all over your torso to start. They then spread around your body, until you get the "magic cream" that you massage into your skin, leaving for 14 hours until it works its miraculous powers and kills the little boogers.

So that's what we've done: contracted the bugs from a neighborhood boy and treated two of the three full-time members of this house. Phil has washed all coats and sheets in hot water, as instructed, but he also washed the floors and walls of the entire house in bleach, just to be sure we got rid of them. Only time will tell....what a pisser this has been.

I feel like a skank. A true failure as a parent and a damn skank. There. I got that out. Now I can move on....I hope. The literature says that it's not filth or pets that starts it all -- it is only spread by direct contact.

So to all of you that have come in contact with me: I hope we haven't rubbed our naked bodies together, but if we have...check yourself over the next 4 to 6 weeks, which is the incubation period of this nuisance. Happy itching!

Snow Day #6

I'm on youtube. Out of boredom. I was messing with my new laptop and it makes it so easy to make the lamest video and *BAM* immediately post it on youtube.

Here's my Andy Warhol 15 minutes (well, 21 seconds) of fame:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FpJgNSo8tH8

Think snow day number 6. Think bored. Think middle of Iowa in the middle of winter. There, now you are in the right frame of mind.

Morning Rachel and False Advertising

Good morning sunshine! I hope that two Monday blogs help you get over no Sunday blog yesterday...

And no, there are not any deer pictures on my new laptop...it was another example of false advertising.

Two-Hour Delay

It was 50 degrees out yesterday, then today we wake up to the world covered in white. We have a two-hour delay so we can all have extra time to shovel out our cars and for the roads to clear a bit. I wish I had this option in my life: time out! I'm calling in a two-hour delay.

Just think if the average person who is about to commit a crime of passion would do that: just stop and hold that thought for two hours, and see if you still want to drown those kids in the bathtub. Or stop, put down that gun, and think if you really want to rape and kill that young college student and then off yourself.

I know this seems crass, but my journalism students were having a great "current events" discussion and we noticed how many of these crimes would qualify as "crimes of passion." Then we discussed how we don't teach relationship skills formally in school, or mention much about sex in general, other than how to avoid it. Are we serving our youth well with this attitude?

Mkay, that's a whole other book or blog...and it really fits into my "thresholds" theory in case I ever want to get off my ass and write that book.

I have today off anyway, so I could give a rats ass about the two-hour delay. All I know is that it is messing up my newspaper distribution. I can't decide if I want the sub to pass it out today, with no "reading time" or wait until tomorrow, when there will be more time and I will be there. See. These are the glamorous decisions of a public school journalism teacher.

Have I mentioned how much I love my new kick-ass computer? It's got a bouncy keyboard that is so fun to hammer on...and the 17" screen is glorious for those no-bifocal days.

So, the kicker is that during my two-hour delay today, and all day yesterday, I've been helping my husband build his teacher portfolio...where you gather 42 artifacts showing 8 standards and write a comment about each...this was mandated by the State, but the original idea was to pay teachers for their reflective time. Of course, the money didn't follow the mandate, and here we sit, plugging away. Perhaps they should have paused, waited two hours and then passed that stupid fucking law.

Crimes of passion...from murder to mayhem to educational accountability...these are the things I ruminate today.

The Pile Approach to Life

I might have mentioned it before, but it bears repeating: I subscribe to the pile approach to life. I have piles everywhere in my life: piles of laundry to put away, papers to check, papers to file, bills to pay, dishes to do, things to do and blah blah blah.

I only can attack a pile if I'm "in the mood." This has become problematic. I have not been in the mood to check papers, for example, for about 6 weeks, which is how long the term has been going on. I do not provide timely feedback to students. Oh well, as I've said recently, "Fuck it."

I have so many piles at school I've run out of counter space...i shuffle piles around until I'm in the aforementioned mood to attack them. They get bigger and bigger and I believe they actually are breeding. They have piles of dust on them, because the custodians never deep cleaned my room last year because we were working on the damn yearbook all summer.

But one thing you must know: DO NOT TOUCH MY PILES. The last secretary I had who thought she was doing me a favor by rearranging my piles found out the hard way to not do that again. I will get to them, eventually. Until then, expect fits of brilliance mixed in with bouts of melancholy....and meanwhile the piles sit.

Wouldn't It Be Loverly?

All I want is a room somewhere, far away from the cold night air, with one enormous chair...oh, wouldn't it be loverly?

I love that musical. (Name that musical in the comments to win $100,000.) (OK. I lied, there will be no money, but you can still post to share your intelligence.)

So, once again, I find myself up early, blogging. Except this time, I am blogging on my brand new lappy...a laptop that is going to make me a million bucks. Well, I'm not trying to be greedy, but as I've stated before, I think I've got about 5 or 6 good years left as a teacher before I turn into a pumpkin. So, I guess, conversely, I've got to accept that I'm going to be obsessive/compulsive about this job until I retire.

For example, I woke up and re-read the school newspaper that we put out yesterday. I thought about the yearbook, and how they are REALLY pissing me off with their culture of laziness in both newspaper and yearbook. I then started to social network with students on Facebook and MySpace, leaving positive comments and spreading the love so they will return it to me...

So either I'm totally sick and twisted or I just care. I hope it's the latter, but I think it's the former, and that's why I pay a shrink. Speaking of shrink, I was supposed to see him over Christmas break, then he canceled, and then I failed to call for a new appointment until last week, so i can't get into see him until April 5th. Oh well, in spite of being insane, I am doing well: sleeping and eating and concentrating OK.

Sane or insane? Depressed or just blue? Sick in the head or sick in the tummy? Oh, to know the difference....wouldn't it be loverly?