The Fog is Lifting

Well, the experiment to reduce brain drugs failed, and I feel better now that I've resumed them all. I'm fine when I don't work, but the closer it got to the time school started, the worse I felt. My OCD kicked in big time this year, but I'm happy to realize and report that I felt great all the first week of school.

I seriously didn't know how I was going to start this school year with all of the talent drain that I suffered. No more Jared and no more Greg and no more Pi. Except that I still see them sometimes. But not every day and not helping me look good with the newspaper and the yearbook. Although Pi did restructure the ad program and Jared is still helping us do the yearbook for last year.

Anyhoo, about 3 weeks before school started, I entered the fog. It was thick and penetrating this time and I wondered how I'd teach. I had teaching nightmares and anxiety bad. I lost 10 lbs. in two weeks, which is good as I've entered the moderately obese category. So, after I started up the meds again I felt immediately better. Psychosymatic or real, who knows. I gained a little of the weight back, but I'll deal with that later.

I think my new kids will do fine. I think we'll all learn together. I think I can relax. I hope the fog is lifting.

And We're Off. . .

S

Harry Potter Haze

I wish I weren't a muggle.

I want to do magic with a wand that has chosen me. I want to live in a world with ultimate possibilities...where good triumphs over evil.

Is that so much to ask?

I have to face reality tomorrow, after being in a Harry Potter-induced coma for over a week now. I've been sitting, still, but also reading the last two books in the series. I've accomplished a minor goal, and I thoroughly enjoyed the ride. The last journey is great, and I won't spoil it for anyone who still needs to read the book.

But now it's over. I only have around 9 days of summer left, and I'm experiencing anxiety at new levels. Crap. I never learned the programs, and I only work with Jared for 3 more days. I'm screwed in a lightbulb.

Maybe not. I have plans, and dreams, and energy to give. Shit that's vague. Jack sparked something in me this summer at that class at the UI, so I need to channel that and conquer the haze. . .

. . .and make magic happen in that classroom.

Sitting

I asked Jared what he was doing when I called him up to tell him we couldn't work on the yearbook this week because they are waxing the floor, and he said, "sitting." As if simply sitting was an event in and of itself.

I was skeptical at first, but after nearly four days of sitting on my ass doing nothing, I tend to concur. I have not been being simply lazy: I have been "sitting." I have been purposeful in my sitting. I have had goals for my sitting. I have achieved things while sitting.

I am getting quite good at it too, except for the part of me that is screaming out to get up and move. I am discontent. Something's gotta give.

Phooning for Phun

I just got my phourth phoon on phoons.com. That's quite a pheat. Here it is:

http://www.phoons.com/doorhole.html

My mother took this spontaneously as we were checking out the latest on the construction at their new home. I've never actually phooned in a skirt before, so this was interesting. But I like how she didn't center me (rule of thirds!) and how I blend in with the background -- kind of an earth mother in birkenstocks hanging out in an eco-friendly house.

Next phoon goal? Who knows. . .as usual, stay tuned. I'm so glad I have this hobby to keep me out of trouble. . .

The Storm Front

I just experienced the most glorious thing: a storm came through and cooled the world down to a tolerable level. . .

So I'm wondering what wonderful analogy could be drawn from this. That there might be a cool front at the end of this journey I have set upon? Nah, too obvious and trite.

I'm screwed. Jared tried to teach me some basic photoshop stuff that was supposedly easy, and I was a sucky pupil. I just don't have the natural inquisition necessary to dive into that program and learn it. The menus, layers and pop-out thingees overstimulate my pea brain. I need to force myself to learn it every day. . .but then some of this lazy fun that I've been having will have to go.

And good news: no anxiety this week! No "Monday blahs" on Tuesday either, which is grand. Actually, I haven't had a spell for a while, but it is summer and I am on a reduced schedule. Maybe the analogy could be that I'm dealing with life on fewer meds, and therefore experiencing a calm after the storm?

I'm crossing my fingers.