I have notebooks filled with lists. Lists of things to do and ideas and brainstorms and other general stuff. This proves that I am brilliant. Yet very little of the crap in the notebooks gets implemented. Why? Because I have a real bad case of depression. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.
Of course, I have a shrink that could show you my inches thick folder, since I've been seeing him since 1995ish. I'm a certifiable loon.
But this brilliance, combined with melancholy, is what makes me a rich character. I'm dynamic, not static. I'm up and down and around and sideways. I keep the lights on full blast most of the time, but I turn the lights down and try to put myself into a coma some days. I always have a song playing in my head, but some days I can't hear the words.
At least I know who I am. . .now. I didn't for a long time. This is one of the benefits of being in the 40-something category. But that's a different blog.
So, how is this relevant to my present journey, the story at hand? Because it's like I have a learning disability; a thick fog of fucking pea soup that coats my brain at times. This gets in the way of me absorbing information related to the programs I must learn. I have really smart mentors in Greg, Jared and Pi, but can I learn the stuff??? Holy cow I have anxiety about this. Because if I fail, I'll have to quit my job. I can't keep the publications department fresh and vibrant and growing if I don't know how to teach kids how to do the basics.
Harsh.
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2 comments:
OK- I HAVE IDEAS! Maybe you should talk with Peters about making student have a prereq of computer graphic design or computer programming or some business/ computer class that would HELP YOU! Than you could learn over the next few years! What do you think??
That's a great idea, but nobody but me has InDesign! It's also a great idea, so great in fact I'm almost a step ahead of you. . .I'm recruiting kids and working with Noel. . .But that still doesn't excuse the fact that I gotta learn the stuff. I spent half the night on the couch tonight because of anxiety. . .I have never had a learning disability like this.
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