Time Out

This blog has been censored.

Big Brother IS watching.

Happier Times Ahead

Well, I've been doing a bit of nostalgic work: I sent in a request to a publisher to print this blog as a non-fiction book. I will hear in 7 days if my brief paragraph caught their attention.

So, I've been cutting and pasting this blog into a word document, and am up to 20 some pages from only 3 months worth of entries. Gonna print out the first draft of my "manuscript" now: how damn exciting is that?

AND, in cutting and pasting, I have been re-reading the origins of this blog and reliving some good times. One thing is for sure: the English job at the alternative school has been posted and I am NOT going for it this year. My shrink said he'd kill me if I went back, and my principal is taking care of me (well, most of the time) and getting me new computers for next year...so I am staying this year and not going.

Happy days are here again? As long as I get that damn book done by July 4th...

WWE Smackdown Game Plan

I'm taking names.

My husband and son are into WWE wrestling, and I am not. But I am taking a page out of their playbook and using some smackdown techniques in yearbook class.

First, we all made "poof books" to keep us organized and motivated. They are little 8-fold booklets you make from construction paper, and kids write both their goals and what they accomplished in them. I am going to grade weekly now in crunch time here at the end of the year, instead of monthly like the newspaper, and the poof books will be the basis of our individual "grade conferences."

Secondly, I am requiring 15 hours of overtime per person between now and the end of the school year. That way I can hold them accountable for doing the work BEFORE summer, where I can affect their grades. This is the most important time of the year: we have about 70 pages in progress and 40 more to go. They write their OT in their poofbooks, and I record it so I can drop their grades at the end of the year.

Thirdly, I am up and off the couch, even though yearbook meets right after lunch. I hope it's before lunch next year, and I hope my brain keeps handling my depression throughout this turbulent time.

I'm putting the smackdown on them, so we'll see if they get with the game plan or rebel.

That's my plan, and I'm sticking to it.

Ding ding ding.

We are Fucked

Well, only two kids showed up after school yesterday -- and they left after an hour. So I sat with no kids for an hour and decided to go home early. Rachel and Connor were going to come in after their golf/track commitments, but I texted them to go home.

We are never gonna get this fucking yearbook done. I'm gonna be there all summer, again.

I hate April and May.

And I hate kids who are not committed to my program. I had the good fortune to do applications and select staff this year because too many signed up for yearbook and newspaper, but I only have 17 kids signed up for next year for yearbook -- my program is not going to grow if I can't get the top caliber kid to sign up. I have the best editor for next year, Alison a.k.a. Kiwi, but her staff is slim pickins.

Oh well, my yearbook rep is going to come talk to me next week and yell at me for running the finances into the ground, and I'm going to give up creative control and agree to do the yearbook all online instead of on inDesign...it's supposed to be easier, and since I don't have the talent -- I'm going for easy.

I gotta have a summer, or I'll be a flipping loon. I think teachers need a month or two off from the constant interaction and pressures of the classroom. I know lots of people say tough shit to teachers and don't feel too sorry for them for having 3 months off -- but MAN once you get into the profession you see how exhausting it can be. I've tried other stuff and nothing compares to teaching in my book as far as wearing your ass out at the end of the day.

I'll end on a good note: Jared is done with school in early May and offered to help. He's bailed my ass out two years in a row, and I'm not above utilizing his talents a third year. I'm sure Rachel will be cool with a little help too -- we need something to save us, because we are truly fucked.

Anticipation

The feeling of dread and doom persists this morning...the overwhelming notion that it's gonna be a long-ass day. It's yearbook deadline night, which means a 12-hour day: this is not as bad as newspaper deadline night; however, which is a 14-hour day. (Wow, did I use a colon AND a semi-colon correctly in that sentence?)

I DON'T WANNA GO... waa waa waa.

It's not that bad once I get there, because I settle in to my routine, and if things get crazy, I can always put myself into a coma on the comfy couch in my room. I don't think too many kids will show up tonight because I failed to promote the event properly. I also don't have any teeth to my policy for overtime for yearbook class: I ask them to show up but don't hold them accountable for it in their grades.

These are the things that fill my tiny brain on this day. Guess it's up to me whether we have fun or not...I am the head mother-effer in charge, that's fer sure. So dig deep, Lisa, and find the energy to make it through the day.

I hate agoraphobia some days.

Proud Moments

I always blog about my kids at school, and rarely talk about my own children.

But I have to tell you how proud I am of my oldest son, Walker. He was in his second play as a freshmen in high school, and he played Johnny Casino in "Grease" today. He had two solos, and he really rocked the Hand Jive solo. I love moments like this.

And I love moments like this:



Them's moments to remember, eh?

April Fools is Overrated (or Fuck Life)

I hate April first. It's not a joking day for me. My nephew, who blew his brains out a few years back, was born on this day. I remember that day like it was yesterday: I was in college in Iowa City and my step-sister delivered him there. I got to hold him when he was 4 hours old...I fell so deeply in love with that baby that it was only replaced with a deeper love once I held my own children.

And the jokes. It's not a joking day in my opinion, and I wish people would stop with the stupid, "School is out early...APRIL FOOLS" routine.

As Rachel, my yearbook editor, said this morning on her gmail status: Fuck Life. Even though I'm in a decent mood now, five days later, I think her status says it all. Some days life is just too damn big. I just saw my shrink for that feeling of melancholy and malaise that hits me every damn Monday and other select PMS days...I wonder why she is bummed though.

My big worries today include: to make the damn pinewood derby car and go to the race tonight or to blow it off and go to a waterpark/hotel....to make it on time to my son's first big solo in the high school production of "Grease"...to not get busted on my favorite role-playing game on Facebook...to check the mountain of papers I brought home this weekend...

Fuck life.

Narcolepsy and the Wii

Had a narcoleptic moment on Monday, the first day back from break...it's taken me a week to get over it, so I think I can blog about it now:

I fell asleep, sound asleep, in yearbook class.

(Pause to let that sink in...)

The certified teacher in the room was snoozing on the couch while the mice played. In between narcoleptic moments, I noticed that the noise level in the room was decent; albeit not focused at all on yearbook. Those kids know each other and have fun in their little groups: they would be happy to blow off the rest of the work until the few who show up in the summer do it.

ACK.

On a lighter note, I had insomnia Friday night/Saturday morning, and had speaks with Andrew D. on gmail...we decided to go on a diet together. A slow diet. So, simultaneously, we had ordered a Wii as a family thing. So, I decided to order a Dance Dance Revolution as my exercise plan. I'm such a geek, hip thing.

Fucking A.

So, eratic weather patterns, eratic sleep patterns, and a Wii are the themes I contemplate today. Tomorrow we come out with our "green" issue, and I'm pretty sure kids will complain it's boring...

And sorry this took me so long today, Rachel baby.

Narcolepsy

Had a narcoleptic moment on Monday, the first day back from break...it's taken me a week to get over it, so I think I can blog about it now:

I fell asleep, sound asleep, in yearbook class.

(Pause to let that sink in...)

Last Day of Spring Break

Waa waa waa. It's almost over. In 24 hours, I'll be back in school. There is NOTHING worse than the last day of Spring Break.

Poor me, the lowly teacher complaining about having a week off, paid.

Ok. I'll suck it up: but I woke up this morning dreaming about the damn yearbook, again. I was filing stuff in my dream that was actually a good idea; I was telling kids what to do and it was stuff that needs to be done; and I was getting the son-of-a-bitch done.

[Aside: I was just looking at the want ads. I always do this on Sunday mornings. I found a great job in Pella, but it pays twelve thousand less than I make now. Sigh.]

Anyway, I woke up and realized the state we're in. We have proofs that aren't done and returned in a timely fashion; we haven't submitted deadline 2 yet; we have missed every deadline night because of weather of my illnesses. In reality, we suck.

SHIT. Now what? Work, work, work till you die. My shrink says this job shouldn't be stressing me out so much. Fuck him.

Well, at least I have an entire week of laziness, gluttony, and creative escape under my belt. I spent the major portion of every day playing around with my computer, playing RPGs on Facebook, recording video messages for my peeps, and making commercials for personal lubricants...all from the comfort of my own office.

Oh well, guess Term 4 will be the great decider. I'm going to up the ante in yearbook and get off my ass some. We are going to work after school and deadline nights twice a month to deal with the crappy computers we have. Have I blogged about my technology woes yet? Waa waa waa.

My head is going 100 miles a minute right now: class sizes too big, budgets too small, newspaper is in crisis, i haven't put away any of my clothes all break, and it's Easter morning.

Mkay. This blog is usually therapeutic, but it seems to be stressing me out even more, so i shall end it now.

CELEBRATE!

This blog is one year and one day old today! It appears I missed the one-year anniversary yesterday.

So to make up for that, here is a vlog:

Exhausted Already

I am on spring break and I have been the epitome of laziness. But I keep thinking about next week and the next few months and I get exhausted.

Just got done talking to Rachel, and that always makes me think yearbook. I think I overstimulated her by asking her to mentor a student for next year...she just got back from photographing a band trip and here I ask her to do more.

Also have been dreaming about yearbook...it haunts me truly. I am going to direct traffic and make kids work and damn anyone who gets in my way. That's how I feel because I so desperately want to get done with this book by July 4th. Independence day. What a nice goal. We are going to have after school meetings and deadline nights two times a month in order to get this sucker done.

We have newspaper deadline night on Tuesday too, so that's in the back of my mind. We have survived so many obstacles, like poor attendance, this year that I am confident we can crank out this "green" issue. I've got to contact the publisher though and reduce the number of copies we get and see if we can get a bargain on some recycled paper.

Plus, my husband is talking about McCain bringing on the end of the world this morning, so there is this ominous tone to the day already.

Uff duh, as my dear departed Grandmother Kunze used to say. Ten a.m. and I'm pooped.

Maybe I need to get outside and get some exercise? Or get off my butt at the very least. OK. At least my butt isn't growing around the toilet seat like that crazy story that broke this week about the woman who camped out on her boyfriend's toilet for 2 years. Ahhh, but I digress.

Moonlighting, again.

I have a confession to make: I am moonlighting at another blog. I started it on St. Patty's day in a fit of inspiration. Follow me on this:

I have a new webcam + I used to be a sexuality educator = http://sex101blog.blogspot.com

So, check it out. We have already posted our first vlog response to the first question.

And if you know a condom or lube sponsor, contact me at mscalvin@gmail.com soon...this is, after all, another get-rich-quick scheme in order to allow me to retire early from that pesky day job.

Just kidding, I love my day job. It's the work that sucks.

Not Working

I am not working. I am playing. I have been playing since Friday night, and it is now Sunday morning. Even though some of my playing involves students, that does not mean it is work. There, I said it. I enjoy playing with my students in my free time. What does that make me? Perverted? Stupid? Too Involved?

For example, last night: Saturday night, the first weekend of Spring Break and what do I find myself doing? A run down:

* Talking on gmail to Greg and Cameron, both editors in chief of the newspaper. Greg was producing a girls' basketball game on the Drake radio station, and Cameron was pining for a girl.

* Making little videos for all my favorite friends on facebook...yes, I said it...I have favorites. They are the kids who do all the work, happily, and who make the yearbook and newspaper a success. They know who they are.

* Having a live Skype video chat with Chas, former yearbook graphics editor and top geek. He had just gotten a camera and was having his virginal chat...it's fun, but WAY different than chatting with people on the phone or on a chat program. They can SEE you. You can't roll your eyes or pick your nose...and there are these poignant pauses...that seem like they last forever in a live video chat.

* Taking care of my husband who was having his third migraine headache in two days...he's in major pain but I am helpless to help him. He just has to ride them out, and he actually went to bed at 4 p.m., which he NEVER does.

* Texting Walker, who was at a show choir contest in Sioux City. Remind me to tell you some stories about Sioux City.

* Overseeing Quincy and Kaleb, his bestest buddy, who was spending the second night here. They need occasional food and attention, but for the most part they play nicely together.

* Making videos on my Cyberlink Youcam, with special effects and posting them on myspace and this here blog.

But I am not working.

Silly Hat and Scarf Day

Mom from hell...

Testing 1..2..3..




Vlog #1: Hope this works, because I've been having many technical difficulties. It's hard to be on the cutting edge...but in the meantime of waiting for this video to upload, I have been making video comments on all my friends' Facebook accounts. In my favorite, which is on Walker's account, I belch "Barack" really well, and predict that he will, therefore, be our next President.

I'm sure there will be more vlogs over break, for I have only just begun.

Spring Break Vlog #1

Testing, one....two.....

Video Conferencing

I'm online right now with school.

Here's a picture to prove it. I am officially insane. I have a sick day off, and what do I do? Get on Skype with my webcam...and help kids at school. They have a perfectly good sub (today -- yesterday's was another story) who is getting paid to be there.

Oh well, I can't puke and poop comfortably at school, so it's a good thing I stayed home. I am going to hang out with yearbook class in a minute here, because I love Rachel and Connor, who is no longer inept, by the way. Then, I plan to take a nap to get rid of this headache, then I will check the most ginormous pile of papers that ever existed. Oh yeah, I got a plan.

But first, I got this web cam I gotta play with...and I have officially declared myself a geek now. This is icing on the cake. I've known for awhile now that hanging out with all these techno-heads at school would rub off, but this is truly amazing. How am I gonna put this in my book? Nope, vlogs don't translate well to print.

Where is Princess Leia and her hologram technology when you need it?

Elvis

I'm home sick. My cat, Elvis, gives me a lovin' to make me feel better:

I


Vlog testing, 1...2...3.

Houston, do you read?

The Lost Hour

Daylight savings time sucks if you live in the Midwest. You lose an entire hour of your life, an hour that you can never get back; an hour you could have been creating something, making love or otherwise generally enjoying life. You wake up to it being dark and you being tired and generally cranky about it. It's not so bad in the Fall, when you gain an hour, but in the Spring it just blows.

I'm looking at life with my cup half empty, I realize, but sometimes you just gotta.

But my son cracks me up. I'm going to try something new in my blog: adding videos. If this works, I might occasionally post a vlog.




If you watch this, it's 49 seconds of your life you can never get back, as Cameron so eloquently stated...

Happy Sunday morning....

Oh, and I'm ready to kick ass in yearbook every day now...I'm gonna be a task master, and every damn person in that room better get busy every minute of every day. No more iPod and youtube festivals on my time. DAMMIT. I get mad when I think about it. Next year will be different. (That's what I say every year, for the record.)

And here's a picture of me and Quincy and Tyler that is pretty cool, too: doubles as evidence that the days have been too long and the sunlight has been too short and the snow has been too deep.

Maybe I didn't need that hour anyway. Daylight, here we come...

The Couch

Damn couch was involved in two incidences on Friday. The couch in my classroom, that is.

The first was a kind of catty remark a colleague made about my couch, in that in order to save money for technology, i might have to rearrange my room and get rid of the couch. The second was when I yelled at yearbook class for gathering around the couch instead of the computers.

I love my couch. I hate my couch.

Sometimes I take naps that totally regenerate me on my 14 hour days...I like turning off all the lights and turning on the timer for anywhere from 20 minutes to 45 minutes...and taking a little catnap. I can't get away with this very often, but when I can, it is glorious.

Sometimes I want to kill the kids for hanging out and avoiding work, when I know damn good and well that I am the one who will be there working in July and August, and their lazy asses will be long gone and hard to get a hold of.

Dang I hate that yearbook sometimes...it is stressful cuz all the winter sports are done now and the clubs people have their group photos, and are just now realizing they have no text or photos for their division page, and they have been sitting on their thumbs for two months.

Shit. I am screwed. Truly screwed. I need to lay down on a couch for awhile...

Spring Fever

Oh shit. I got it bad. It's one of the 10th worst winters on record, and it's been butt cold and snowy. This definitely plays on the mood and the mind...combined with our recent bout with the bugs, which is over I'm happy to report, it's been a miserable fucking winter.

But I'm hopeful...supposed to be in the 50's by next Wednesday, so if I hang on for a few more days of cold, I should make it to more spring like temps, leading me into Spring Break and 5 glorious days off.

In the meantime, my new computer is keeping me large company. Again, it's an HP Pavilion Entertainment PC laptop, and it rocks my world. Reasonably priced and loaded with fun stuff. For example, I made a video and posted it on youtube in like 7 clicks. No kidding. Here's the url: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FpJgNSo8tH8

I also am into RPG's, or role-playing games for those of you ungeeky types out there. I have precognition as an ability on "My Heroes Ability" on Facebook, so join me there and I can give you enlightement for only 25 EP's. I am MsCalvin in the group The Spirits, so join us in fighting evil.

Finally, I am serious about the spring fever. Look how geeky it's made me...social networking freak here. Well, contact me if you'd like to be in my leige in Knighthood, where Lady Lisa is currently building her castle and collecting vassals...

Oh Shit.

An Itchy Public Service Announcement

OK. I think I'm over the initial shock and can now blog about the latest thing our family has dealt with: Scabies. That's right, microscopic bugs that burrow under your skin, leaving itchy bumps all over your torso to start. They then spread around your body, until you get the "magic cream" that you massage into your skin, leaving for 14 hours until it works its miraculous powers and kills the little boogers.

So that's what we've done: contracted the bugs from a neighborhood boy and treated two of the three full-time members of this house. Phil has washed all coats and sheets in hot water, as instructed, but he also washed the floors and walls of the entire house in bleach, just to be sure we got rid of them. Only time will tell....what a pisser this has been.

I feel like a skank. A true failure as a parent and a damn skank. There. I got that out. Now I can move on....I hope. The literature says that it's not filth or pets that starts it all -- it is only spread by direct contact.

So to all of you that have come in contact with me: I hope we haven't rubbed our naked bodies together, but if we have...check yourself over the next 4 to 6 weeks, which is the incubation period of this nuisance. Happy itching!

Snow Day #6

I'm on youtube. Out of boredom. I was messing with my new laptop and it makes it so easy to make the lamest video and *BAM* immediately post it on youtube.

Here's my Andy Warhol 15 minutes (well, 21 seconds) of fame:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FpJgNSo8tH8

Think snow day number 6. Think bored. Think middle of Iowa in the middle of winter. There, now you are in the right frame of mind.

Morning Rachel and False Advertising

Good morning sunshine! I hope that two Monday blogs help you get over no Sunday blog yesterday...

And no, there are not any deer pictures on my new laptop...it was another example of false advertising.

Two-Hour Delay

It was 50 degrees out yesterday, then today we wake up to the world covered in white. We have a two-hour delay so we can all have extra time to shovel out our cars and for the roads to clear a bit. I wish I had this option in my life: time out! I'm calling in a two-hour delay.

Just think if the average person who is about to commit a crime of passion would do that: just stop and hold that thought for two hours, and see if you still want to drown those kids in the bathtub. Or stop, put down that gun, and think if you really want to rape and kill that young college student and then off yourself.

I know this seems crass, but my journalism students were having a great "current events" discussion and we noticed how many of these crimes would qualify as "crimes of passion." Then we discussed how we don't teach relationship skills formally in school, or mention much about sex in general, other than how to avoid it. Are we serving our youth well with this attitude?

Mkay, that's a whole other book or blog...and it really fits into my "thresholds" theory in case I ever want to get off my ass and write that book.

I have today off anyway, so I could give a rats ass about the two-hour delay. All I know is that it is messing up my newspaper distribution. I can't decide if I want the sub to pass it out today, with no "reading time" or wait until tomorrow, when there will be more time and I will be there. See. These are the glamorous decisions of a public school journalism teacher.

Have I mentioned how much I love my new kick-ass computer? It's got a bouncy keyboard that is so fun to hammer on...and the 17" screen is glorious for those no-bifocal days.

So, the kicker is that during my two-hour delay today, and all day yesterday, I've been helping my husband build his teacher portfolio...where you gather 42 artifacts showing 8 standards and write a comment about each...this was mandated by the State, but the original idea was to pay teachers for their reflective time. Of course, the money didn't follow the mandate, and here we sit, plugging away. Perhaps they should have paused, waited two hours and then passed that stupid fucking law.

Crimes of passion...from murder to mayhem to educational accountability...these are the things I ruminate today.

The Pile Approach to Life

I might have mentioned it before, but it bears repeating: I subscribe to the pile approach to life. I have piles everywhere in my life: piles of laundry to put away, papers to check, papers to file, bills to pay, dishes to do, things to do and blah blah blah.

I only can attack a pile if I'm "in the mood." This has become problematic. I have not been in the mood to check papers, for example, for about 6 weeks, which is how long the term has been going on. I do not provide timely feedback to students. Oh well, as I've said recently, "Fuck it."

I have so many piles at school I've run out of counter space...i shuffle piles around until I'm in the aforementioned mood to attack them. They get bigger and bigger and I believe they actually are breeding. They have piles of dust on them, because the custodians never deep cleaned my room last year because we were working on the damn yearbook all summer.

But one thing you must know: DO NOT TOUCH MY PILES. The last secretary I had who thought she was doing me a favor by rearranging my piles found out the hard way to not do that again. I will get to them, eventually. Until then, expect fits of brilliance mixed in with bouts of melancholy....and meanwhile the piles sit.

Wouldn't It Be Loverly?

All I want is a room somewhere, far away from the cold night air, with one enormous chair...oh, wouldn't it be loverly?

I love that musical. (Name that musical in the comments to win $100,000.) (OK. I lied, there will be no money, but you can still post to share your intelligence.)

So, once again, I find myself up early, blogging. Except this time, I am blogging on my brand new lappy...a laptop that is going to make me a million bucks. Well, I'm not trying to be greedy, but as I've stated before, I think I've got about 5 or 6 good years left as a teacher before I turn into a pumpkin. So, I guess, conversely, I've got to accept that I'm going to be obsessive/compulsive about this job until I retire.

For example, I woke up and re-read the school newspaper that we put out yesterday. I thought about the yearbook, and how they are REALLY pissing me off with their culture of laziness in both newspaper and yearbook. I then started to social network with students on Facebook and MySpace, leaving positive comments and spreading the love so they will return it to me...

So either I'm totally sick and twisted or I just care. I hope it's the latter, but I think it's the former, and that's why I pay a shrink. Speaking of shrink, I was supposed to see him over Christmas break, then he canceled, and then I failed to call for a new appointment until last week, so i can't get into see him until April 5th. Oh well, in spite of being insane, I am doing well: sleeping and eating and concentrating OK.

Sane or insane? Depressed or just blue? Sick in the head or sick in the tummy? Oh, to know the difference....wouldn't it be loverly?

Snow Day #5

It was one of those moments: We woke up at 5:30 a.m. and couldn't open our back door. We only got 3" of snow last night, but the wind is fierce. We turned on the TV news, and the ticker at the bottom was crazy busy with school cancellations. Unfortunately, my school only listed "buses hard surfaces" which is common in Iowa. So we made the coffee, fed the cats and began the morning routine.

The ticker is addictive. I signed up for email alerts when school is cancelled, and I get those pretty quickly after the District calls in. But every time we have a "weather event" I still stare at the ticker, especially in that early morning grogginess that was engulfing me.

My husband came into the room, and I was waiting for my school to appear on the ticker. It was nearing 6:00 a.m., and the TV weatherman had just announced that many schools were still calling in. Suddenly, my school popped up as "closed" and I screamed, "school's closed, school's closed." My hubby didn't believe me, and accused me of making it up...we had a good laugh over that. It was a fun moment: made even more fun by the fact that we had a day off!

But I still, even as I type this, am looking at that damn ticker. It's like I think they are going to change their mind or something. Of course, we have to make this day up, and will be going even closer to June. But I don't care, because being the yearbook adviser, I have to work all summer anyway.

I guess that's a shitty attitude, but what the hell: I have a snow day and the ticker don't lie.

New Egg

I ordered a new laptop yesterday from newegg.com. It's a hip technology site that several former student/geeks have recommended to us. I've decided to switch my life over to PC instead of Apple. This is a BIG DEAL, because I've been an Apple gal for many moons.

So here she is:

A brand new bouncing baby computer. I hope the deer photos come with it, too.

I plan to use this to further my business enterprises, so I can retire from this day job by age 50. I've decided that I'm only going to be hip for another 6 years, then I'll become stale and ineffective in the classroom because I'll be old and saggy. So, this is a capital expenditure...next step: form a limited liability corporation so I can write off all my expenses. So far, my profits total $25 ($22 in bumper stickers and $3 in a t-shirt) and I'm afraid to total my expenses, er "marketing" costs.

Can you give an old chicken a new egg? Stay tuned...

And I said "No No No."

Amy Winehouse might be my new heroine. I don't know a great deal about her, but I do know that I downloaded two songs of hers that totally rock, in a blues/funk kind of way. Her "Rehab" song is great musically, and the lyrics are mildly entertaining. I have to admit I was a bit disappointed with the story in the song, which is really non existent. Anyhoo.

She won 6 grammy's after doing a stint in rehab. What a story. Hope she doesn't self destruct like so many other stars do. Self destruction -- the story of my life.

I burn my candle at both ends, sort of. I have forced myself, over the years, to get 8 hours of sleep a night, but I would stay up until the wee hours of the morning if I could. I would abuse substances if I could. I would have wild sex all night long if I could. I would party like it's 1999 if I could. Fer sure.

But I can't. So I lead this life of a public school teacher instead. One who is responsible for the YEARBOOK: the most permanent artifact to be generated from the institution of THE AMERICAN HIGH SCHOOL. It really is the most important job in the school, but I get no respect, as Rodney Dangerfield used to say. (Youtube him, you youngsters: he is mildly entertaining.)

Or rather, I give myself no respect. I need to switch up my attitude. I need to take no prisoners. I did, yesterday, send out a rather bold memo to the big whigs about the future technology needs of my program. (Yes, I did this on a Saturday.) I am planning to ask for clerical support to run my books for the two businesses: yearbook and newspaper.

Ah poop. It's only 7:30 on a Sunday morning.

They tried to make me forget about school, and I said, "No no no."

Teacher Shit

My district's current buzzwords and initiatives include: differentiation, visual literacy, professional learning communities (PLC), curriculum mapping, and teacher portfolios.

These all suck. I have seen them all before. I have "been around the block." I can't believe I am suddenly an aged professional, complete with holes like swiss cheese.

It's true, what the old timers used to tell me: if you ignore enough state and district unfunded mandates, they will come around again with another name and a new "book" and "Ph.D" behind them. So, what did these used to be called? Differentiation has always been here, it's child-centered learning or standards-based education (or, gasp, what we called "Outcomes based education" in the 80's, before it got reamed by the conservative "right.")

It's not that I don't agree with the philosophical underpinnings of such initiatives: I do. I believe that each child should be in the center of his/her intended curriculum. Period. End of story.

So why does the state and federal government make things so fucking complicated? What the hell is happening when things like No Child Left Behind and its mandated testing focus become the law of the land?

I'm sorry Madeline Hunter. I know you are rolling around in your grave right now. Thumbs down.

Who will come to save the day?

Snow Day #4

Wow, somebody really fucked with Mother Nature this winter.

Not that I'm complaining. I just am wondering if we will have to go to school into June, when we started in the middle of August this year so we'd get out in mid-May. I guess I AM complaining.

Well, once again, I've managed to squeeze in a couple, five hours in social networking today. Go me. Bad or good, remains to be seen.

(I just pictured haunting music cuing up, with a picture of a murder scene....she should have never met the psycho killer in real life...)

OK. It's not like that. I only network with people I know. Mostly teens. A couple adults, but all are fine, upstanding citizens.

So, could I have written my best selling novel on this snow day? Maybe. But, maybe this blog could be my best selling novel...wouldn't that be a gas...the product of over 300 days of sitting on my ass and waxing philosophic.

You can't blame a girl for dreaming on a snow day, now can you?

Ahhhhhh, nothing like a dream of residual income...so I can continue the lifestyle to which I've grown accustomed.

The Sopranos and John Wayne Gacy

My husband is obsessed with the mob and conspiracy theories. I have to report this publicly, because this is the soundtrack that is always playing behind my blogs. You know, the music of the Sopranos and the drone of the theorists behind JFK and 911 on youtube.com. Do you think my psyche is being affected because of this? How many whackings does one witness before one is officially desensitized?

So now I'm thinking about how our lives have changed because of the Internet. It's like how the old timers I grew up under used to complain about how our lives had changed because of television. I seriously remember a time with no Internet. I completed a bachelors degree without it. I had a child without it. Now I have serious withdrawal any time I don't have access. I've been known to access it on my phone before just because I could. Serious shit.

And I'm thinking about how the job of teacher and journalism adviser has changed. I still have proportion wheels and infoscroppers and line tape and razor blades around to show students, but they are pressuring me to get rid of the expensive dark room. I love dark room: the smells, the sounds, the whole ambiance is relaxing -- something I have heretofor mentioned as one of my weaknesses. I know I could go all digital, but some things are around just for the nostalgia of it all...like the mob and conspiracy theories, I guess.

When You Walk Through a Storm

First, we are literally in the middle of a blizzard/ice/snow/wind advisory. I plan on not walking through this storm, but staying safe inside the house. That is, unless the electricity goes out and we have to huddle around the unsafe gas oven. But, we have plenty of provisions, and could hunker down if needed. Last year, I think we missed 4 days of school because of an ice storm. You don't fuck with Mother Nature in Iowa.

Second, I am figuratively in the middle of a storm regarding yearbook. The culture of laziness has permeated my staff and I'm at a loss as to how to rectify the situation. Especially when I go into each day just hoping to make it through yearbook with nobody asking me a computer question I can't answer, and hoping that everybody gets busy. Gets busy on what? Some people have no pages currently in the hopper. There is always little tasks to be done, and I'm usually busy with those.....meanwhile, pages sit. I want more pages submitted, and we can't seem to get 'er done.

Anyway, part of it is this time of year: the winter sports are still going on and we don't have the group pictures back yet. I guess I have to have faith that people will get busy once they can; that the atmosphere will switch into a more productive one; and that I will not go stinking crazy in the mean time.

So, as Elvis is crooning this fine Sunday morning, when you walk through a storm, hold your head up high. Or have another cup of coffee and be thankful the snow is falling and there is no school today or tomorrow anyway.

A Decisive Moment

Sunday morning again...and I'm still ruminating on the whole "should I stay or should I go now" situation. I know the opening at the alternative school will be appearing soon, and I have to decide if I want to go there or stay right where I am...

...and I think I'm going to stay put. I have named editors for next year in both newspaper and yearbook, and they are both highly competent and can teach me a lot about those ubiquitous programs. This year is going well, and the leaders who I was worried about have risen to the occasion and are doing great. I think we might even get the damn yearbook done by July 4th...that's my official prediction -- we will have independence on our country's birthday, Rachel, my love.

I guess after 3 years, I finally feel like I know what I'm doing about 3/4 of the time. And I think that's the best I can hope for. I don't want to start all over with new curriculum to write, and I don't want to take home all the problems of the kids who attend the alternative school. My shrink said he'd kill me if I went back to the alternative school, and I think I better listen to him...we have been seeing each other for 12 years now...

Is that my decision, and am I sticking to it??? Hmmmmmmm, we'll see.

The Real McCoy, Part 2

Before you read this, know I intend it to be a happy story.

First, check out this picture:

Meet Bessie and Kenny McCoy, my maternal grandparents. They are the sweetest, most straight-laced couple on the planet. In this photo, they are celebrating grandpa's 89th birthday in Indianola. Grandma has Alzheimers, but you can see how much she loves her Kenny from the look in her eye and the gesture of her hand.

She loves babies as much as she loves Kenny, and once you are her baby, you are always her baby. When she sees me today, she hugs and kisses me up just like when I was 5 years old, and I love it. Everyone needs a 4'10" grandma bessie who walks with a limp from polio.

Don't pity them. They are strong, and they have survived and truly lived. All of their kids and grandkids are fucked up in one way or another, and I'm proud to be in that crew.

It's good to be the real McCoy.

Snow Day #3

I love the number 3. And I love snow days.

Wow, as I look at the clock, I realize I've been talking on the computer for five and a half hours...might be a new world record for me.

I've been talking to former and current students, online and on Facebook an MySpace. It's fun. It's addictive. I know.

But, I could be out at the bars...could always be worse, I guess.

And while I play, I work. I build new relationships, I nurture old ones...I dream about yearbook and newspaper, and we think of ideas and strategies and software and hardware ideas whilst online. It's all good. Except for the part where we talk about love and sex and such. But that's normal teenage stuff, and I was a sexuality educator as a profession. Is there a book here somewhere?

How can I light a fire under my own ass?

Super Bowl Sunday and a Stack of Papers

It's the same story year after year: I have a slew of papers to check and it's the Super Bowl. I don't actually care about the game at all, but I know it'll be on and I do like to catch some of the commercials.

I am legally WAY behind in checking papers and posting grades. Officially more than fashionably late. If I don't do them by Wed. or Thurs. when progress reports are due, I'll probably get a call from the Principal. So why don't I do them today, like right now?

Because it is Sunday morning, and I am not at work. I like to start my day with some coffee, a little Elvis gospel, and the newspaper. Toss in a dash of social networking and a husband who reads BushWatch.com, and you got yourself a party.

I love my life. That's why I don't want any interruptions.

So am I gonna relax or am I gonna work? Place your bets in the comments section.

22" is a whole new world

In the world of computer monitors, that is...

We got a new dell, dude, and it rocks big. Big hard drive, big processors, and big screen.

I've been hogging it big time.

Sorry hubby.

Ain't That a Kick in The Head?

Well I think jasmine, er, the junior, and I have made up. I was afraid to talk to her, cuz everyone told me she wasn't going to sign up next year. I thought we'd have fun with her as managing bitch, plus she could be a bit more lazy at deadline night, like she likes to do...she admitted she's been slacking.

Anyway, I stand by my original decision, but hate hurting them. I'm announcing Ali as editor in chief of the yearbook next week, and I hope nobody gets their undies in a bundie about it.

I've had enough drama.

And as Dean Martin says, ain't that a kick in the head? Or, in my case, I'd rather be kicked in the head.

Hard Lessons

I'm learning another hard lesson: when you name one editor in chief, other people get hurt. I chose a sophomore to lead next year's paper yesterday, and announced it to the staff. A junior, the sophomore's close friend, was also interested in the position, and I heard through a text message that she was less than happy with the news.

I feel so bad. Fuck, I HATE hurting kids.

I like the junior...truly. She's awesome. Funny, witty, agreeable, and does a decent job with her column and her page. But the sophomore sparkles. Her writing is so clear and crisp, her editing sublime, and her computer pagination skills and layout/design eye are solid. She'll be able to do the job for 2 years, and we could win awards with her in the lead. I know I stand by my decision, so why do I feel so shitty?

Connections

It's time to make the connection between my ramblings about my business venture and my social networking addictions and my job. This blog IS about my job, after all, so this entry is perhaps long overdue.

I have learned quite a bit in the 3 years I've been on the job, and the above-mentioned venture and addictions are just natural, albeit unhealthy and perverted, evolutions of the job.

There, I said it. I'm a techno geek. I want to learn how to make a living sitting at home on my butt on the computer.

Now, in reality, I teach high school journalism. I must learn more about inDesign and Photoshop in order to survive and keep new generations of kids learning...but instead I dink around on blogs and google ads and myspace and facebook. Hmmmmmmmmm. See the connection?

I do. But I'm on drugs. Legal drugs that are prescribed to me by a shrink.

Go me.

Confessions of a caffeine-addicted social networking geek

I'm going on hour three of social networking...it's great...I woke up at 5:30 for no good reason, other than I went to bed early last night. So I woke up, had two cups of coffee, which is double my daily intake, and off I went.

I have these windows open: gmail, facebook, myspace, blogspot, nhs planet x, cafepress.com/MsCalvin, and phoons.com. I just click back and forth and play with those sites all day long, if I have the chance. It's really fun and addictive. I can see how the kids feel. . . addicted and kinda like a tweaker on crack.

It's fun. My husband doens't understand. Oh well. It's better than being out in the bars.

No news...

...is not necessarily good news.

I have not heard anything from the hotmail account of the bad Chinese interpreted person who was trying to provide me with a check a few posts previous to this one.

I did; however, stumble upon (by googling 'mscalvin') a website of interest...somebody found me on cafepress.com and liked my "sexless" art. They reviewed it on a peer review site called Stumble Upon. A 22-year-old male from the Ukraine is the reviewer! Isn't that cool? I've crossed the ocean with my art! Nobody's bought anything yet, except my friend Todd who bought a t-shirt and me. I've recently purchased a t-shirt as a gift for a party I go to in January, and a dog shirt for my mom's best friend's dog. I also bought a hoodie that I love, as well as the first order, which was the PG-13 art on a long-sleeved t-shirt, one for me and one for Sandee Dunk, and a mouse pad for Mark and a BBQ apron for Phil.

Ah, it's good to be a capitalist in America. Maybe I'll get mentioned in the Rolling Stone some day.

Five-day Vacation

Oh yea, every once in awhile, the goddesses are with me. Yesterday, snow day; today, sick-boy day; weekend; Monday, MLKing Day! So wa-lah...I get a five-day vacation to be LAZY.

And, it's a good thing, because there's a colossal cold front out too...and the forecast calls for more of the same into next week. Sub-zero temperatures make me want to hibernate, for sure.

Only problem is we were going to submit our first pages of the year in yearbook today, and my Jostens rep is coming in to help. They will do it without me, though, which is good, I guess. Rachel can handle it. All the pages are ready and PDF'd anyway, so we should be ok. Except Connor was working on a new background, and Jared might be coming in to help...oh well, I gotta "let it go" cuz I'm not there to help. Hope I get a good sub, considering I called in at 7 with a sick child.

AHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. My brain won't rest.

Vacation, my ass.

Musings on a Snow Day

DAMN I love snow days! There is nothing like a 5:20 a.m. phone call alerting you to the snow day, BEFORE your alarm even goes off. AHHHhhhhhhhhhhhh, I love this country.

Now, getting on topic for a minute, I have news to report: I met with my principal and came clean about my phobias. I told him I could barely function without my star kids who have graduated, and I even have them coming in still to help. I told him my biggest fear: that I'll NEVER learn these damn programs and that the kids have to bypass me for big problems. I HAVE learned how to solve little problems, and I deal with hardware issues all day so the software doesn't get learned. (SHIT, I forgot to tell him that second sentence, which is important if I want to politic for new hardware....note to self.)

Anyway. He said not to worry, that everyone who deals with technology deals with the fact that some kids know more than you...and that's good and OK. So maybe Rachel is right, maybe I should RELAX.

And thank you, as always, Jared, for still coming in and helping out whenever you have a minute between your two full time lives. I love you kids, truly.

98% and Paying for Gas on the Road

Nuff said.

Rockin OUT!

Well, we survived the initial learning pains and are now having fun with Rock Band PS2.

I'm happy to report that I consistently score in the 88 to 97% range, depending on if I've ever heard the song before. I rocked Rolling Stones and Nirvana and Garbage pretty damn well.

And I'm happy to report that we have played solo, duet, and trio modes with success. Quincy had friends over yesterday (during the Packers snowy romping of the Seattle Seahawks), and they fought at times and left in a huff, but they are boys so I'm sure they'll forgive and make up and be back soon.

It's life diversions like this that are fun. And blow the stink off.

And since I rarely shower on the weekends (I HATE SHOWERING, have I mentioned that?) I sometimes need the stank blown off.

Rock on.

Am Interest to Purchase...

I got the following message from Facebook, referring to an ad I placed there last month about the sexless products.

Alaba sent you a message.

--------------------
Subject: $2.49 - Fun stickers, shirts and mugs

Hello,
Am interest to purchase your item on behalf of my client by knowing the final price of the item and also the present condition of the item which i could like to inform you that i can only afford to issues out cashier check or money order for you, which will include the shipping fees that will come and pickup the item. meanwhile i will like you to answer this
question below:

[1.] Do you accept a ( Cashier Check / Money Order ) as a mode of payment?

[2.] What is the final asking prize you can go at last?

[3.] What is the condition of the items?

[4] Will you let our shipping company to come to you house for the pick up of the item cos we don't want you to worry yourself about the shipping of the item

[5] If you kindly accept the term please send me your full name and address also your contact phone number for the payment should mail out.

[6] Please contact me to my private email address which is (alabaaro1988@hotmail.com) because i wouldn't able to response back to you as soon as you reply to my request....

(7)i don't look my facebook occassionally but i look my yahoo mail everyday okay...so.email me to my email (alabaaro1988@hotmail.com)


(8)Will you be abel to send/wire the excess fund include to the payment to the shipping company via Western union for the pick up of the item?

PLS ONEC AGAIN JUST CONTART MY PRIVET EMAIL BOX OKAY
PLS (alabaaro1988@hotmail.com) THANKS.

Regards..

So I responded to his/her hotmail account (red flag #1) that all transactions were to go through www.cafepress.com/MsCalvin. So we'll see if this is legit, or some crack pot.

I hate to be racists, but this sure sounds like a poor Asian translation (red flag #2)...but maybe this is the first step to becoming a millionaire so I can retire? Once again, stay tuned...

Rock Band Hell

What we got HERE, is a failure to communicate.

My son, 8, is a colossal pain in the butt this morning. It started out as a miracle that the UPS guy brought our Rock Band for PS2 on a Saturday morning, before we could start to get bored even.

Then it turned into a nightmare as my son had meltdowns because we couldn't get the wireless guitar going, then had meltdowns because the drums were too hard, then had meltdowns because he failed at singing.

I did have one shining moment, eventually, when I scored 97% on "Gimme Shelter" by the Stones...it was the first song we completed without somebody failing to perform.

All I wanted was adoration from the fans, and instead, this is what I was given. Harumph.

Rock Band Hell

Mysteries

Well, I'll be vague again on purpose: my problem involved someone I love and the law and I didn't like it much. That's it.

But it might be over, and it might not be...you never know when you're dealing with the law. Each day that goes by that the Sheriff doesn't show up in the driveway is a good day.

The mysteries of the universe are complex, and dealing with the law is one mystery after another. I like to avoid the whole fucking thing, if possible, thank you.

All I know is, I fought the law, and the law won.

Drama.

I hate drama. I might have even mentioned that before on these blogosphere pages.

Shit happens

Oh my. How quickly things can change.

I was just thanking the old year for my life, when suddenly an event occurred to change it all upside down.

Now, I gotta shit. Literally. It makes me poop to be upset. No details. Not now. Not here.

But wow, it is funny sometimes when shit happens. You gotta laugh.

Advance Order

I just ordered Rock Band for PS2 online...for significantly more than it's worth. I wanted it NOW, not next week, even though it might not arrive until then anyway. I'm either hip or stupid.

I want to sing in a rock band, and feel the adoring fans' love...oh well, another dream gone unfulfilled in my life.

Not that there are too many of those...I used to dream of teaching, which I have done, and I used to dream of acting. I haven't really done that, except for a community theater show in high school. I'm too old and fat now, but before that I should have done more acting and singing.

Next life I want to place an advance order on more kids. I'd like to have four or five babies...that's a good sized brood. Oh, and while I'm at it, I'd like to order up Phil as their father...

Oh, and always, when ordering me food, order extra cheese.

Have I mentioned the monkey on gmail? When you do this: :(|) it turns into the cutest damn monkey you've ever seen.

Random entry #368.

Play Time

My cats and kittens are all freaking out right now. They start about 4:30 a.m., and really get cooking by 7 a.m. They run around the house, play, get into shit, and even the old broad Cheetoh gets into the action by pouncing on imaginary mices on her favorite chair.

This behavior parallels high school students on certain days. Like during homecoming week, or on a snowy day, or on any given Friday, especially full-moon Fridays. My last hour class was so freaking talkative yesterday that I can't get it out of my mind. I'm thinking of what I'm going to do to get it under control. I already did the old "Whiplash" routine where I make them practice whipping to attention after I say, "Alright, let's get going." Seating chart change will be first. Me turning into a bitch is next.

Me not thinking about it on a weekend would also be nice.

Control. I know that it's just an illusion that I can control anything, especially other people's behaviors. But when you are a teacher, you must possess that illusion of control. I think they've heard from other kids that I'm cool, so they expect party time all the time. Nope. We work hard too. I want to be one of those teachers with high expectations...where kids rise to the challenge and produce quality. But, I want to have fun too, lots of fun, and I want kids to want to be there.

I want the moon, Alice, don't I?

Proof

I have been learning, by the way. I realize I should have put InDesign and Photoshop up there as major goals. It is only my job at stake.

So here's evidence that I have been learning a little about Photoshop on my own. Well, this was actually done with Gimp, a free program from Gimp.org that Jared told me about that works on PCs.

Walker is a good model. We shot this with a Canon Rebel from school, and I desaturated it and erased the red back into the guitar. Simple!

Of course, that language was Greek to me a year ago, so maybe I need to relax and just have fun with this stuff.

Fun? Yea right.

New Year's Cliche Entry

Andrew fucking Daniels texted me at 4:30 in the morning, totally interrupting my wine-induced coma with a "Happy New Year hot stuff" message. Then I couldn't sleep again because the damn cats wanted to play/love/eat me.

Now I'm awake, but restless. Not hungover or angry, but full of anticipation of what the cold cold day will bring. Work tomorrow; prepare today.

Well, I did a top ten list of things I'm thankful for in 2007 in an email to the Vancent, and it doesn't bear repeating here due to the cliche nature of the list. I'm basically thankful for my family, health and gadgets -- gigs and gigs of gadgets.

So now comes the part where you make a New Year's resolution. I haven't done one for so long because I'd fail so many years at not being able to quit smoking, that now that I have quit I just don't know what to resolve. Lose weight? Na, that'll come with cancer and old age. Work less? Yea, right. Relax more? Maybe that's one to contemplate.

I know. Phoon more. It's a great hobby, and I could definitely find more creative places to photograph around here. OK. That's it: Three phoons submitted to phoons.com in 2008.

Oh, that and more sex. I'm greedy like that.